What If the People Close to Me Don’t Support My Goals?
What if your family, friends or even your spouse does not support your goals?
It’s a tough question, and it’s one that hits hard for anyone chasing a dream.
When you’re working toward a goal, whether it’s personal, professional, or something entirely unique, the lack of support from the people closest to you can feel isolating.
But here’s the thing: their support—while nice to have—isn’t a requirement for your success.
Why Do They Need to Support Your Goals?
First, take a step back and ask yourself: why do you feel like their support is essential? Are you asking for their encouragement and understanding, or are you hoping they’ll actively participate?
There’s a big difference between the two.
Support doesn’t mean they need to walk the journey with you. Your goals are yours, not theirs.
If you’re waiting for validation, permission, or hand-holding, you might be missing the point.
Yes, support feels good—we’re wired to seek connection and approval—but don’t confuse external encouragement with the internal drive you need to achieve your goals.
The Real Reason Family and Friends Are Not Supporting Your Goals
Here’s something to consider….
Most people protect more than they support.
Their hesitation isn’t necessarily about doubting your abilities or sabotaging your dreams. More often than not, it’s about their own fears. They don’t want to see you fail, especially if they’ve seen you stumble in the past.
It might feel like resistance, but it’s often a form of protection—a way of saying, Are you sure? I don’t want you to get hurt.
People close to you might be projecting their own fears or limited understanding onto your goals. They’re not in your shoes. They don’t see the same vision you do. And that’s okay. Your dream doesn’t have to make sense to them. And you shouldn’t waste energy to get them to see, trying to make it make sense to them, trying to sell them on it.
It only needs to make sense to you.
Is it better to tell people your goals or keep them a secret?
Should I even tell people my goals?
Derek Sivers has a well-known perspective on sharing goals, which he presented in a TED Talk titled "Keep Your Goals to Yourself".
His key point is that sharing your goals publicly can often reduce your motivation to achieve them. Here’s the essence of his argument:
Why Sharing Goals Can Backfire:
Psychological Satisfaction: When you tell others about your goals, their positive reaction often gives you a sense of accomplishment, even though you haven’t achieved anything yet. This can make your brain feel like the goal is already done, reducing your drive to work on it.
Premature Gratification: By sharing, you get the social reward upfront—such as praise or recognition—which can trick your mind into thinking the hard work isn’t necessary anymore.
Research Support: Sivers cites psychological studies showing that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to follow through than those who keep their goals private. The studies indicate that the act of stating your goal can create a false sense of progress.
His Advice:
Keep Quiet: Sivers recommends keeping your goals to yourself or sharing them only when necessary.
Focus on Execution: Instead of talking about your goals, use that energy to take action and let the results speak for themselves.
My simple philosophy is if someone is not directly connected to helping you achieve a goal, they don’t need to know about it.
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Why don't people support your dreams?
Short answer - they don’t know how.
The Solution: Start Small, Stay General
Here’s where most people go wrong: they share their mountain instead of the trailhead. If you tell someone, “I’m going to lose 100 pounds” or “I’m going to make a million dollars this year,” they might freeze up, not knowing how to support something that feels so massive.
It’s not that they don’t want to support you; they don’t know how to.
Instead, start with something tangible and actionable that’s easier to grasp:
Rather than saying, “I’m going to lose 100 pounds,” say, “I’m focusing on getting in better shape.”
Instead of declaring, “I’m going to build a million-dollar business,” say, “I’m working on being more focused and consistent in my business.”
By keeping it general and relatable, you’re giving them something they can understand and rally behind. You’re making it easier for them to say, “I’m proud of you” or “I see you working hard.”
Small wins are easier to support than giant leaps.
You also have to understand things from their perspective. You’ve been thinking about these goals for how long? You’ve done probably multiple goal setting sessions, you’ve researched and looked at how to do it. But know you’re just dropping the end result of all that on to them. You didn’t give them any time to process.
Show Them, Don’t Tell Them
Here’s a truth that might sting a little: the people closest to you often don’t believe in your big goals because they haven’t seen the evidence yet. That’s not a reflection of you; it’s human nature. People trust what they can see.
People support what they understand.
So, instead of trying to convince them with words, let your actions speak. Show them through your consistency and progress. Do the workouts, stay disciplined in your work, and let the results quietly build. Over time, their perception will likely shift. They might not have believed in your vision at first, but they’ll believe in the results when they see them.
Remember: Support Is Nice, But Not Necessary
At the end of the day, your goals are yours to achieve. If you’re waiting for the green light from others, you’re giving away control of your own success. Support from the people close to you is a bonus, not the engine that drives your progress.
Focus on what you can control: your actions, your mindset, and your commitment to the process. Keep moving forward, even if you feel like you’re walking alone. The right people will either catch up or cheer you on when they see you succeed.
And even if they don’t, you’ll have proven to yourself that their approval was never what you needed to begin with.
4 Things You Can Do Now, When You’re Ready…
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